Ancient Chinese said: "The body, hair and skin are accepted by parents", and there is also the saying "If the father wants his son to die, he has to die."
But if the child knew that Wenwen and I, as parents, wouldn’t let them come to this world, would he hate us?
I don't know if he will hate us, but I know that the guilt in our hearts will never disappear...
Wenwen never smiled in those days, but she could see that she was more mature and steady, and this was also a temperament that was difficult to see from a 14-year-old girl.
She grew up, and what about me?
Have I changed as she grows up?
I hope I have it, but the only thing I feel is that I owe and love her more.
Wenwen, I will take you to the hospital tomorrow afternoon, so you can prepare.
I came to her room and told her heavily.
She sat at the desk and listened calmly, then just said softly to me, and then turned around silently to continue writing her winter vacation homework.
Turning around, I closed the door and left, unable to stay with her.
Because looking at her eyes, I knew she would definitely want to be alone for a while, cry for a while, and accompany the last part of her life in her belly.
Lying on my bed, looking at the ceiling, the images I saw in front of me were everything that had been in the past six months.
Starting from sneaking into her room, looking at her pure sleeping face, and finally succumb to the desire to have her forever and rape her.
It was definitely our first night, and it was also a night that neither of us wanted to remember.
I recalled that the night I decided to leave her, but she entered my room and didn't want me to leave, and was willing to be by my side...
Because love made me hurt her, and because love made us unite, I was so painful that I couldn't fall asleep that night. There were too many things worth remembering, and there were too many things worth remembering and sad...
The next day I was ready, so I held Wenwen's hand tightly to take her out.
Sitting on the motorcycle, we didn't say anything. Wenwen just hugged me tightly and lay on my back.
Feel the breath coming from behind her, feel her breathing, feel her heartbeat, feel the brilliance of her life, like a candlelight shining, bright and warm.
Life is also like a piece of music, a plain five-line life score. The people you meet, plus more notes, perform more music, with excitement, joy, and quiet thoughts.
The voice of the soul is always so pure, Wenwen is like a string of a piano, touching from time to time in my heart, calling my soul, no matter how painful and sad it is.
When we arrived at the destination, I led her into the small hospital step by step, and I also heard my heart begin to break.
The doctor first asked who I was. I answered with the prepared answer that it was Wenwen’s adult brother, and took her to have an abortion instead of her parents who worked abroad. Then the doctor didn’t ask anything else. He took out a book teaching teenagers from the drawer and gave it to us. Then he asked Wenwen some questions and asked her to have a pregnancy test immediately.
Because it was already past five o'clock in the afternoon, the doctor asked her to be hospitalized for one day, so that she would have a simple abortion surgery immediately tomorrow morning. Even the preparation time is usually only about one hour. If it is OK to observe after the operation for a few hours, you can go home in the afternoon.
It was a small ward with only two beds, but the other bed was empty. All the decorations in the room were so simple. If it weren't for the occasional sound of traffic flowing outside the window, it would make people feel that time had stopped flowing here.
Immediately afterwards, a nurse took the sick clothes and necessary items expressionlessly, signaling Wenwen to put them on and do some necessary treatments, so she left without looking at us.
I was a little embarrassed and didn't know how to face the nurse, but maybe she has seen many underage girls who are pregnant and have to have an abortion when working here, and I wouldn't have thought that Wenwen and I were siblings, so I wouldn't make a fuss.
In the dark ward, Wenwen and I were chatting lightly that night, talking about many things. We had always avoided talking about today's affairs, but suddenly, she said to me: ...Brother, I'm afraid... Can we go home?
...Don't be afraid, the doctor also said it will be over soon.No matter what, my brother will always be with you.
I was by her side, brushing her forehead like coaxing a child.
Maybe I am already a woman in my heart, but Wenwen is actually just a child. She should grow up normally and spend every day happily...
It was not until late at night that she closed her eyes and fell asleep like a child.
I sat by the bed and looked at her sleeping face, still so innocent, and did not change because of my pregnancy or what I did to her; I touched her hair lightly, stroked her face lightly, lay on the edge of the bed, willing to protect her side forever.
The next morning, it was past eight o'clock, and when the nurse entered the door and told me to start the operation, I woke up. Wenwen had already woken up, but she had never woken me up. I always remember that when she was about to enter the operating room, her eyes were looking at me from time to time, with fear in her eyes and a slight trembling.
My heart was really hurting at that time, as if the fear in her heart was constantly stinging my soul.
When the operating room door opened and she entered, I always felt that it was a door that would never be opened again, like countless hands pushing it, blocking two different worlds.
I sat in the chair in the outdoor corridor and waited, and inexplicably began to worry.
Although I know everything will be fine, I still hope to be by her side and feel regret for getting pregnant and all this.
After nearly forty minutes, the door of the operating room opened and the nurse asked me to go in and help her push the bed back to the ward.
When I heard everything went well, Dashi, who was worried in my heart, finally put it aside and felt relieved.
I know that the child has left us and left this world, but at least Wenwen, as a mother, is still safe. This is enough, that's enough...
Wenwen is still in a semi-ansthetic state, half open her eyes and looking at me in a daze. The fear in her eyes has disappeared without a trace, replacing mist and illusion.
She looked at me as if she wanted to say something, but she seemed to decide not to say anything, just open her face and close her eyes.
The nurse told me that she might feel a little uncomfortable in the first hour after the anesthesia subsided, but it shouldn't be a big deal.
After returning to the ward and waiting for the anesthetic to completely subside, she still said nothing. She occasionally looked out the window and occasionally looked at the ceiling, with a hint of sorrow, a hint of sorrow, and more of an unhidden regret.
……elder brother……
Finally, Wenwen finally spoke to me, and I tried to respond with a smile: What's wrong?
I feel a little dizzy...
Will your head be dizzy?I went to see the nurse.
……It doesn't matter.
She slowly reached out from the quilt and held my hand, then stopped talking, closed her eyes and waited for the anesthetic to subside.
If I could listen to her deepest voice, what would she say to me?
I hate you?
Or because I am her brother, I can only accept my choice of having an abortion in silence and obedience?
Looking at her face and looking at her like this, my heart finally collapsed completely. I couldn't help but hold her warm hand tightly and press it on my cheek...
People often say that men don’t cry, but I cried...
Someone once said that to my sister, my brother is like a moon hanging high in the night sky. I don’t usually feel it, but occasionally when I look up, I feel at ease.
What about me?
For Wenwen, what kind of existence do I really think?
Is it a man who only knows how to find her to love?
Or is the irresponsible man who cruelly wants her to take away the child?
I love her, I love her so deeply, I want to be with her forever, and always be by my side; she is just a fourteen-year-old girl, I don’t want to hurt her, but I still bring her such torture...
Perhaps such love should not continue, perhaps stopping is our only choice, and perhaps it is too late.
In my blurry tears, I still remember that Wenwen looked at me and shed tears as I shed tears, and said softly with deeper sadness than me:
...Brother, don't cry...
After I got home, I kept buying a lot of nutritious foods outside those days, such as ginseng chicken, and went to the Chinese pharmacy to get body-tonifying medicine, hoping that Wenwen's body could recover from health as soon as possible.
When she wanted to eat, I turned on the electric fan and let it cool down slightly in order to be afraid of it being too hot.
Suddenly, it reminded me of Wenwen's first period more than two years ago. I also helped her warm herbal medicine and blow cool down.
At that time, I hadn't realized that I had fallen in love with Wenwen, and I was even unwilling to face up to my strange feelings about her.
I remember very clearly that when she first entered the first grade of junior high school, the Mary brothers who were sitting next to me playing with red and white machines with me, she was playing Louis.
Halfway through the play, she suddenly stood up and ran to the toilet outside my room in a panic. After more than ten minutes, she hadn't come back yet. I thought she didn't want to play anymore, but it was strange that she didn't say she left like this. After all, she had never been like this before, so she was about to run to ask her what was wrong.
When I stood outside the toilet door, I knocked on it a few times and asked again, and then she answered in panic: Brother... I'm bleeding...
Suddenly I heard her tell me in a hurry, and I was also shocked by her, thinking that she had cut in the bathroom or had some injuries and bleeding, but she answered me: No... It's my first time here...
She might have thought that my family’s only big brother who could rely on knew what to do, so she told me very directly, but to be honest, how could I know what to do if a girl came to me for the first time?!
When I first saw underwear stained with menstrual blood, I really felt very disgusting and not sexy at all.
But it was really because of the first time my family had a daughter, which made me realize that Wenwen had really grown up, and she was no longer the little girl she used to be.
I didn't know what to do, but I could only call my grandmother who lives nearby, and then Wenwen told her grandmother that she would take Wenwen to do some necessary treatment.
But, I think at most I just teach her to use a sanitary tampon?
Then my grandmother said that she would boil some Chinese medicine supplements for Wenwen to drink tomorrow, and said that if I want to drink it, you can also drink it together, and that Chinese medicine will be very good for both men and women.
I cared about her those days, and I was in night school, so I deliberately went to class later and waited for her to come home, then burned the Chinese medicine and then blew it cooled down for her to drink.
She always took the bowl a little shyly, then smiled and talked to me about what happened in school while drinking soup... But since that time, I didn't know the date of her menstruation next time, and didn't pay attention to it, so she was drinking it herself.
Now, although I watched her drink soup and chat with her, I always felt that she had no smile. No matter what I said to her, how she would make her laugh, it was like her real beautiful smile had been left in that operating room and passed away with the child.
No, maybe her smile has not passed away, and the smile is still the same. The mistake is that my past irresponsibility makes her so...
Maybe the past can never be recovered, maybe I can never make her smile again, but I still hope to do something for her; no matter what kind of thing, whether it is a big or a small thing, I hope she can be happy.
Perhaps, and perhaps, being by her side forever is the only thing I should do for her...
Wenwen...
So, that night, she heard my call and looked up at me quietly.
Wenwen, let’s get married...
But if the child knew that Wenwen and I, as parents, wouldn’t let them come to this world, would he hate us?
I don't know if he will hate us, but I know that the guilt in our hearts will never disappear...
Wenwen never smiled in those days, but she could see that she was more mature and steady, and this was also a temperament that was difficult to see from a 14-year-old girl.
She grew up, and what about me?
Have I changed as she grows up?
I hope I have it, but the only thing I feel is that I owe and love her more.
Wenwen, I will take you to the hospital tomorrow afternoon, so you can prepare.
I came to her room and told her heavily.
She sat at the desk and listened calmly, then just said softly to me, and then turned around silently to continue writing her winter vacation homework.
Turning around, I closed the door and left, unable to stay with her.
Because looking at her eyes, I knew she would definitely want to be alone for a while, cry for a while, and accompany the last part of her life in her belly.
Lying on my bed, looking at the ceiling, the images I saw in front of me were everything that had been in the past six months.
Starting from sneaking into her room, looking at her pure sleeping face, and finally succumb to the desire to have her forever and rape her.
It was definitely our first night, and it was also a night that neither of us wanted to remember.
I recalled that the night I decided to leave her, but she entered my room and didn't want me to leave, and was willing to be by my side...
Because love made me hurt her, and because love made us unite, I was so painful that I couldn't fall asleep that night. There were too many things worth remembering, and there were too many things worth remembering and sad...
The next day I was ready, so I held Wenwen's hand tightly to take her out.
Sitting on the motorcycle, we didn't say anything. Wenwen just hugged me tightly and lay on my back.
Feel the breath coming from behind her, feel her breathing, feel her heartbeat, feel the brilliance of her life, like a candlelight shining, bright and warm.
Life is also like a piece of music, a plain five-line life score. The people you meet, plus more notes, perform more music, with excitement, joy, and quiet thoughts.
The voice of the soul is always so pure, Wenwen is like a string of a piano, touching from time to time in my heart, calling my soul, no matter how painful and sad it is.
When we arrived at the destination, I led her into the small hospital step by step, and I also heard my heart begin to break.
The doctor first asked who I was. I answered with the prepared answer that it was Wenwen’s adult brother, and took her to have an abortion instead of her parents who worked abroad. Then the doctor didn’t ask anything else. He took out a book teaching teenagers from the drawer and gave it to us. Then he asked Wenwen some questions and asked her to have a pregnancy test immediately.
Because it was already past five o'clock in the afternoon, the doctor asked her to be hospitalized for one day, so that she would have a simple abortion surgery immediately tomorrow morning. Even the preparation time is usually only about one hour. If it is OK to observe after the operation for a few hours, you can go home in the afternoon.
It was a small ward with only two beds, but the other bed was empty. All the decorations in the room were so simple. If it weren't for the occasional sound of traffic flowing outside the window, it would make people feel that time had stopped flowing here.
Immediately afterwards, a nurse took the sick clothes and necessary items expressionlessly, signaling Wenwen to put them on and do some necessary treatments, so she left without looking at us.
I was a little embarrassed and didn't know how to face the nurse, but maybe she has seen many underage girls who are pregnant and have to have an abortion when working here, and I wouldn't have thought that Wenwen and I were siblings, so I wouldn't make a fuss.
In the dark ward, Wenwen and I were chatting lightly that night, talking about many things. We had always avoided talking about today's affairs, but suddenly, she said to me: ...Brother, I'm afraid... Can we go home?
...Don't be afraid, the doctor also said it will be over soon.No matter what, my brother will always be with you.
I was by her side, brushing her forehead like coaxing a child.
Maybe I am already a woman in my heart, but Wenwen is actually just a child. She should grow up normally and spend every day happily...
It was not until late at night that she closed her eyes and fell asleep like a child.
I sat by the bed and looked at her sleeping face, still so innocent, and did not change because of my pregnancy or what I did to her; I touched her hair lightly, stroked her face lightly, lay on the edge of the bed, willing to protect her side forever.
The next morning, it was past eight o'clock, and when the nurse entered the door and told me to start the operation, I woke up. Wenwen had already woken up, but she had never woken me up. I always remember that when she was about to enter the operating room, her eyes were looking at me from time to time, with fear in her eyes and a slight trembling.
My heart was really hurting at that time, as if the fear in her heart was constantly stinging my soul.
When the operating room door opened and she entered, I always felt that it was a door that would never be opened again, like countless hands pushing it, blocking two different worlds.
I sat in the chair in the outdoor corridor and waited, and inexplicably began to worry.
Although I know everything will be fine, I still hope to be by her side and feel regret for getting pregnant and all this.
After nearly forty minutes, the door of the operating room opened and the nurse asked me to go in and help her push the bed back to the ward.
When I heard everything went well, Dashi, who was worried in my heart, finally put it aside and felt relieved.
I know that the child has left us and left this world, but at least Wenwen, as a mother, is still safe. This is enough, that's enough...
Wenwen is still in a semi-ansthetic state, half open her eyes and looking at me in a daze. The fear in her eyes has disappeared without a trace, replacing mist and illusion.
She looked at me as if she wanted to say something, but she seemed to decide not to say anything, just open her face and close her eyes.
The nurse told me that she might feel a little uncomfortable in the first hour after the anesthesia subsided, but it shouldn't be a big deal.
After returning to the ward and waiting for the anesthetic to completely subside, she still said nothing. She occasionally looked out the window and occasionally looked at the ceiling, with a hint of sorrow, a hint of sorrow, and more of an unhidden regret.
……elder brother……
Finally, Wenwen finally spoke to me, and I tried to respond with a smile: What's wrong?
I feel a little dizzy...
Will your head be dizzy?I went to see the nurse.
……It doesn't matter.
She slowly reached out from the quilt and held my hand, then stopped talking, closed her eyes and waited for the anesthetic to subside.
If I could listen to her deepest voice, what would she say to me?
I hate you?
Or because I am her brother, I can only accept my choice of having an abortion in silence and obedience?
Looking at her face and looking at her like this, my heart finally collapsed completely. I couldn't help but hold her warm hand tightly and press it on my cheek...
People often say that men don’t cry, but I cried...
Someone once said that to my sister, my brother is like a moon hanging high in the night sky. I don’t usually feel it, but occasionally when I look up, I feel at ease.
What about me?
For Wenwen, what kind of existence do I really think?
Is it a man who only knows how to find her to love?
Or is the irresponsible man who cruelly wants her to take away the child?
I love her, I love her so deeply, I want to be with her forever, and always be by my side; she is just a fourteen-year-old girl, I don’t want to hurt her, but I still bring her such torture...
Perhaps such love should not continue, perhaps stopping is our only choice, and perhaps it is too late.
In my blurry tears, I still remember that Wenwen looked at me and shed tears as I shed tears, and said softly with deeper sadness than me:
...Brother, don't cry...
After I got home, I kept buying a lot of nutritious foods outside those days, such as ginseng chicken, and went to the Chinese pharmacy to get body-tonifying medicine, hoping that Wenwen's body could recover from health as soon as possible.
When she wanted to eat, I turned on the electric fan and let it cool down slightly in order to be afraid of it being too hot.
Suddenly, it reminded me of Wenwen's first period more than two years ago. I also helped her warm herbal medicine and blow cool down.
At that time, I hadn't realized that I had fallen in love with Wenwen, and I was even unwilling to face up to my strange feelings about her.
I remember very clearly that when she first entered the first grade of junior high school, the Mary brothers who were sitting next to me playing with red and white machines with me, she was playing Louis.
Halfway through the play, she suddenly stood up and ran to the toilet outside my room in a panic. After more than ten minutes, she hadn't come back yet. I thought she didn't want to play anymore, but it was strange that she didn't say she left like this. After all, she had never been like this before, so she was about to run to ask her what was wrong.
When I stood outside the toilet door, I knocked on it a few times and asked again, and then she answered in panic: Brother... I'm bleeding...
Suddenly I heard her tell me in a hurry, and I was also shocked by her, thinking that she had cut in the bathroom or had some injuries and bleeding, but she answered me: No... It's my first time here...
She might have thought that my family’s only big brother who could rely on knew what to do, so she told me very directly, but to be honest, how could I know what to do if a girl came to me for the first time?!
When I first saw underwear stained with menstrual blood, I really felt very disgusting and not sexy at all.
But it was really because of the first time my family had a daughter, which made me realize that Wenwen had really grown up, and she was no longer the little girl she used to be.
I didn't know what to do, but I could only call my grandmother who lives nearby, and then Wenwen told her grandmother that she would take Wenwen to do some necessary treatment.
But, I think at most I just teach her to use a sanitary tampon?
Then my grandmother said that she would boil some Chinese medicine supplements for Wenwen to drink tomorrow, and said that if I want to drink it, you can also drink it together, and that Chinese medicine will be very good for both men and women.
I cared about her those days, and I was in night school, so I deliberately went to class later and waited for her to come home, then burned the Chinese medicine and then blew it cooled down for her to drink.
She always took the bowl a little shyly, then smiled and talked to me about what happened in school while drinking soup... But since that time, I didn't know the date of her menstruation next time, and didn't pay attention to it, so she was drinking it herself.
Now, although I watched her drink soup and chat with her, I always felt that she had no smile. No matter what I said to her, how she would make her laugh, it was like her real beautiful smile had been left in that operating room and passed away with the child.
No, maybe her smile has not passed away, and the smile is still the same. The mistake is that my past irresponsibility makes her so...
Maybe the past can never be recovered, maybe I can never make her smile again, but I still hope to do something for her; no matter what kind of thing, whether it is a big or a small thing, I hope she can be happy.
Perhaps, and perhaps, being by her side forever is the only thing I should do for her...
Wenwen...
So, that night, she heard my call and looked up at me quietly.
Wenwen, let’s get married...
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