Chapter 14

I don't know how long it took, but I woke up

It was already dawn, and I felt my head hurt, as if it was about to crack.

I sat up slowly, looking at the messy bed blankly, and I gradually remembered the scenes of last night

I actually raped my mother!

Holding my hair in pain, I can't believe that I would do such a thing that is worse than beasts

I've hurt my trueest mother

I really want to kill myself

But the big mistake has been made, and any repentance seems so pale at this time

I don't know how my mother is doing now. This blow is so big for her, and it may even be fatal.

Will my mother be unable to think about it for a moment──, so terrible, I dare not think downward

But I really don't have the courage to face my mother again

After a long time, a sudden burst of footsteps came from outside the door.

It's my mother, I was shocked in my heart

At this moment, I had a feeling that I would lose my mother forever if I didn't go out again

Thinking of this, I could no longer care about it, so I quickly put on my clothes and rushed out

The door has been opened

My mother, with red and swollen eyes and disheveled hair, was walking out with a small bag on her shoulder

I hurriedly rushed forward, rushed to my mother's feet, hugged her legs, and begged: Grandma, mom, don't leave, I was wrong, you can hit me or scold me, but please, don't leave me

My mother tried her best to break free from me, but she didn't succeed

Finally, she leaned on the door in pain and cried whimperingly, as weak as if she could not hold on at any time.

It took a long time for my mother to say with tears in her eyes:

Do you still treat me as your mother? No matter what you did in the past, I never blamed you for doing such a thing today. How did you ask me to go out to meet people? Do you want to force me to die?

Never do not, Mom, it's all my fault. I'm not a human being. I don't deserve to be your son. I really love you very much. I know I shouldn't have such thoughts, but I really can't control myself. I beg you, forgive me again this time. Mom, don't leave, I will change. If I die, you can calm down. Grandma, just kill me with one knife. I knelt at my mother's feet and begged.

The kind mother gradually softened her heart, and she could no longer support her, she fell to the ground, covering her face in pain and crying

Oh my God, why is my life so miserable!

Grandma finally didn't leave

But after suffering such a heavy blow, my mother suddenly grew older a lot

Sometimes I don't say a word a day, and I often see her sitting in the room and staring blankly for a long time

And since that day, my mother locked herself in the house and rarely went out, so naturally she never went out with Uncle Tan again.

Seeing my mother become like this, my heart felt like it was cut by a knife

But I can't change all this

If it's OK, I would rather exchange my life for a smile from my mother

The house was shrouded in a dull atmosphere, which made me feel a little breathless

I feel that our distance is getting farther and farther

Dinner was the only time of day when I spent with my grandma. After dinner, my grandma immediately returned to her house, and the door was always closed.

But my love for my mother is still as deep as ever, even deeper

But after that lesson, I never dared to express it again, so I could only bury it deeply in my heart

I quit drinking and spent as much time with her as possible. I am really afraid that something will happen to my mother.

Every nightmare is with me all night. Many times I dreamed that my mother jumped from a high place. I wanted to hold her, but I was always a little bit late and could only watch her fall into endless black.

I was so scared that I couldn't feel at ease whether I was at work or sleeping

My body is getting worse and worse. I have even lost confidence in life. Without goals and hope, I feel that I have become a walking zombie

If it weren't for my mother, I really want to die