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My name is Cui Yuan, I was born and raised in Beijing

Everyone says that my parents are a beautiful couple, and they are made of heaven and earth.

When I was a kid, I was very happy

Now I've heard it, it's very sarcastic

They seem to be loving, but in fact they respect each other as guests. No, they respect each other as ice.

They love me very much, but they don't love each other

Why don’t you love it anymore?

Mingming, when I was a child, my mother would always pick up their young photos and tell me their stories.

The story is very good. From campus to wedding hall, who doesn’t envy it

Which link is wrong? Turn this originally happy marriage into a grave

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Since I became sensible, my parents have slept in separate rooms, and I thought it was normal

It was not until I went to school that my classmates talked about their parents that I realized that parents with good relationships would not sleep in separate rooms.

But don’t everyone say that my parents are loving? Then why do they divide the houses?

I didn't understand then

Dad is weird

Sometimes when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I will see my father standing on the balcony smoking, looking at me in which direction

I don't know, as a little me, I can still see the loneliness of the back

I thought my father was like this occasionally, but it was not until I secretly observed for a month that I realized that my father was like this every day

Better, I learned to use a compass, I knew that direction, it was the south

I think I was stubborn and didn't know who I followed. I was able to be patient and sneakily, and I persisted for a month

South Ah, what exactly is there?

Mom is also very strange

Sometimes I don't want to sleep alone, so I will hold the quilt and ask my mother to sleep with me.

Many times, I found that my mother was secretly wiping her tears in the bed

I remember, I asked my mother once, why did she cry

Mom just wiped her tears and said, "She didn't cry, but her eyes were a little tired."

But every time my mother cries, she will have nightmares

It's a nightmare, I guess

Because my mother talks in her sleep, she talks in tears.

I was always awakened and couldn't understand what she was talking about. The most common thing I heard was that she said sorry

Who are you sorry to mom? What did she do to sorry to others?

I don't know anything about this

Uncle is also very strange

I know, he has not married yet and settled in Guangzhou

When grandparents were still there, he would go back to Beijing once a year. When grandparents were gone, he didn't come back.

He treats me very well. Every time he comes back, he buys me a lot of delicious food and fun

But he didn't say a word to my parents or look at me

I don’t understand, aren’t my uncle and my dad brothers?

What's the matter that makes them so rippled

When I was thirteen, my mother passed away

Everyone says she is a strong woman, she has an invincible heart, but the doctor says that she is depressed and has weak facial features.

Before leaving, my mother felt like she had used all her life to stroke her father's face with her dry hands.

She said, she was wrong

Daddy said in tears that it was his fault

I cried and asked my dad why my mom was depressed

Dad just held me and comforted me, saying nothing

As I grow older, my attitude towards my dad is getting worse and worse.

I blame him for neglecting his mother, which made her sick and die

So, when he asked me to apply for a Beijing application, I did not hesitate to fill out the colleges and universities in Guangzhou

My uncle and I have seen each other several times in four years in Guangzhou

I was scared and said, I don't know this woman

Although the photo on the tombstone is a very young woman who looks about the same age as me

Because I found that this woman looks like a person

There is a photo of her in the newspaper that my father would quietly take it out every night.

I secretly found it and read it before. The newspaper is just an ordinary Beijing Daily, but there is a title that is very wrinkled and eye-catching. It is obviously soaked in tears. I have been remembering it for a long time.

Famous writer Jiang Yan committed suicide by throwing himself into the sea

Yes, it's her, Jiang Yan

What happened to her?

What does it have to do with my parents?

All the information is like a fog that traps me

The uncle patted the soil on the steps and sat on the spot.

He said that he fell in love with a woman, and for no reason, he thought he would never like a woman in his life

I know this. When I was a child, I heard my grandparents complain about my uncle's sexual orientation.

But I didn't expect that my uncle would fall in love with a woman. So, I haven't married yet, because of this woman, is she sleeping here forever?

Uncle said that he was very shameful at the beginning because she was a mistress. Later, he found that she was more tormented than anyone else. She was fragile and sensitive inside, and he began to feel sorry for her.

The uncle said again that he dreamed of her some time ago. She asked him in the dream if he could let her meet the child of the person she loved and see if the child looked equally good.

After hearing this, I probably knew the story, but there was only one thing I didn't understand.

I asked my uncle, who is my mother sorry for in this life?

The uncle touched the woman's cheek in the photo, as if he was recalling the memory

He said that my mother had only done one wrong thing in her life, which was to let Jiang Yan fall from Gufeng to the bottom and put her at the forefront. However, she was just defending her marriage and using any means. After all, she was also a poor woman.

My dad is sorry for my mom in this life

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Identify the problems that have troubled me for many years, but my heart is not relaxed, but is filled with sadness and heaviness

Too messy, I can't tell who is right and who is wrong

It's always a circle. He owes her, and she owes him again. He can't escape, and he can't escape.

Just like my name, Cui Yuan, is it fate or injustice?

And after I graduated and stabilized, my dad committed suicide

I rushed from Guangzhou to Hainan and deal with his affairs.

Yes, that's right, it's Hainan Sanya

It is the same place as the famous writer Jiang Yan committed suicide by throwing himself into the sea.

I scattered my father's ashes into the sea. I couldn't tell whether I wanted to fulfill his and that woman, or did I think he was not worthy of burying my mother with me.

I face the sea, without any sorrow or pain, and my heart is already deserted

I hope Choi Yuan's Yuan is round