Chapter 16

I have no desire

It's like a computer that cannot turn pages because the internet speed is too slow, always staying on the previous page.

He hugged Yan mechanically and watched her pull her pajamas down. Her round and smooth shoulders were shaking in front of my eyes. Yan's slightly deep breathing sounded gently in her ears.

She seemed to be more enthusiastic than before, kissing my earlobes and cheeks

Fluffy hair scattered on my face, covering my sight

When she raised her head, her pajamas had fallen to her waist, and her breast fibrillation was slightly stuck at my mouth. She looked upwards between her breasts. The necklace pendant was a small and exquisite heart-shaped heart-shaped. The front was Yan's name.

I looked at her breasts, looked at the bright red nipples, and found that there was no sign of an erection there.

In the past, when Yan took the initiative to ask for it, she must have wanted it very much!

Otherwise, with her personality, there will only be some obscure hints at most

The pendant gently undulates with her breathing, reflecting the light

I know that on the back of her name, the side close to her skin, is my name!

She said: I will always hold you in my heart. No matter spring, summer, autumn and winter, no matter how time passes, you will not leave my body for a moment, and will not be separated from my heart.

I kissed her chest, soft and warm

But I felt a suffocating feeling, as if someone had strangled my neck, my eyes were a little wet, and everything I saw began to get blurry

Yan held my head and pressed her body to my face as much as possible. She must have wanted to comfort me, maybe she was making up for me, and rewarded me for not showing anger or anger before.

I know I should accept it, and I should kiss her enthusiastically, caress her, and then perform my duties as a husband as before,

This is my chance, the opportunity to bring my wife back!

If I act unnaturally, she may be hit and lose confidence, and may have doubts about our future. I must not let this happen!

But my body didn't react at all, my penis hung softly between my legs

Yan's pajamas are covered with cold as if it was the snow and wind in winter

I tried hard to kiss her breasts, showing enthusiasm and desire. Yan's nipples were erect in my mouth, hard, and her breathing became heavy and rapid. My fingers were inserted into my hair, cutting my scalp like a sharp nail knife

The stinging feeling was particularly obvious, continuously penetrated my body, suppressing any desire to awaken the body.

I was anxious and even scared. In front of Yan, I had never had such a phenomenon. I don’t know when I started to have problems with my physical function?

That is the only way for a man to prove himself. Losing these means shame and incompetence

Especially now, I don’t know if it’s impossible to satisfy Yan, does it mean that I’m giving up my husband’s rights?

Even if she didn't ridicule me, and even if she didn't show dissatisfaction now, what about the future?

In the long years in the future, what will I use to retain and guarantee my love?

One hand reaches down to stimulate the penis, hoping to make it erect quickly

I need an erection, and I need to turn and stabilize something with the help of desire and physical comfort in this special moment.

To no avail, my body seems to be no one of my own, and there is no sign of recovery

I tried hard to find various images in my mind to stimulate my desire to revive

But I was soon disappointed, and I found that in my memory, there was almost no image of any woman except Yan.

In the past days, there was nothing but Yan!

I started sweating, extremely empty and desperate, my mind was blank

What you hold in your hand is Yan's plump and soft breasts. What you smell is the faint body scent from Yan's body, and the breath is filled with emotion and desire.

All of this has always been something I have never doubted. It is the root of my desire and satisfaction, familiar and intimate, the body I once had infinite obsession with and the body I loved extremely passionately!

...I was caught by my husband at home. At that time, he was wearing my husband's clothes and sat in the position where my husband usually sat watching TV. Then he asked me to put on the most beautiful makeup, sit naked on his legs and seduce him. The next one was our wedding photo

Su Qing's voice suddenly sounded in my ears, and the conditioned reflex in my mind showed her raised buttocks when she bent down, her tight skirt, and her round and plump lines.

Then, the slender naked thighs under the hem of the skirt

The penis reacted at that moment

This made me feel guilty, but I couldn't take care of those things anymore. I closed my eyes and continued to imagine some more beautiful scenes, fantasizing about the scene described by Su Qing.

I found that I could get stimulation from these ways I had never tried before, and the stimulation quickly made my penis enter the state

I was up and down on Yan's body, her hands grabbed my arm, closed her eyes and turned her face, letting her expression be buried in her scattered hair

I looked at her shaking breasts and told myself desperately: This is not Yan, this is another woman, the body under the nurse's uniform!

I forced myself not to get distracted, and even dared not look at her skin carefully. I was afraid that a certain mark or curve would remind me of some things, some things that could make me collapse in an instant.

Yan began to moan, her lower body began to wet, and as I moved, my hair was spreading apart bit by bit, making the white, clean and delicate face slowly exposed.

I turned her over and let her kneel on the bed and enter from behind

In the past, Yan didn't like this posture. Maybe she felt it was too lewd, or she thought it was too similar to some animal, which made her feel despicable.

But this time she did not refuse, raised her buttocks, buried her head in the pillow, grabbed both sides of the pillow with both hands, and lifted it up, wrapping her face

The whole back was completely exposed in front of me, with dazzling white skin, from the hips to the armpits, two anti-arc curves were displayed between my hands

But I dare not look carefully

Turn your eyes to the windows, the dark red curtains obscured the night outside, and the reflected lights also had a kind of depression and darkness.

The whole room was bright, but this body was what I wanted to hide from the most, and even my imagination became very difficult.

My penis doesn't feel anything, I feel that it doesn't seem to be part of my body anymore

There is no longer the kind of love that blends together in the past, nor is there any enthusiasm that can melt the body. I even feel that I have become a tool, a massage stick, or a raincoat. All I can do is to do is one instinct.

What's even more sad is that this instinct comes from betrayal

Yan continued to moan, her body continued to touch, and a slight sound echoed in the room

I continued to fantasize in my mind, outlining pictures after pictures, so that those pictures continued to stimulate my desires

I feel like I'm taking drugs, and I'm feeling like I'm addicted

Fortunately, Yan didn't feel strange, maybe she didn't really need it!

I have a guess: this is her way of expressing her emotions out of guilt or other

After I ejaculated, both of them were relieved and seemed to have completed a difficult task.

Wipe my penis, Yan got up and went to the bathroom, and threw me on the empty bed

I looked at her back in a daze, and for the first time I felt that she was so unreal, like a shadow, or a dream I had imagined.

If so, should I call her a nightmare?

Yan hasn't come out in the bathroom for a long time, I'm waiting

Feel like a lonely patient, afraid of being abandoned

There was also an obscene smell on the bed, and I couldn't tell whether it was Yan or I sent it. After moving my body, the bed creaked and overwhelmed.

I didn't take a shower that night, and fell asleep while waiting for Yan. I seemed to have a dream in my sleep, dreaming that she was crying constantly, looking very sad

I've changed the hospital these days... I said

The next morning at 9:30

Yan came to the hospital and hugged Jiajia

At first I didn't know that I was in the operating room at that time. When I came out, Su Qing asked me to go.

She didn't go to work. After she came out of Ji Ran's ward, she met Yan. She asked me about the operation and took Yan to her room.

I went over and saw her. Orthodox Jiajia painted on the notebook with a pen and his hair was not well organized. He looked like a fugitive.

Is there something wrong? I ask

without……

Yan picked up Jiajia and kissed: The girl missed her father, and I was bored, so I took her to see your new job

Your daughter is so beautiful

Su Qing looked at Jiajia's face with deep love in her eyes: Don't go back at noon, I'll prepare and eat here at noon...

They seem to get along well, they look very sisterly

I was a little embarrassed, I didn't think about the reason, or because I had thought about too many unbearable scenes in my head, and I felt that I was dirty

Or maybe they are worried that Yan would say something to Su Qing, women are always unpredictable.

I'll have to...

I said, look at Yan

If she tells me something, she will understand what I mean and turn around and come out

Yan didn't follow her, I didn't know why I breathed a sigh of relief, and I felt a sense of inexplicable stability in my heart

At noon, I returned to Su Qing's room, and there was already a person in it.

She hugged Jiajia, I guess it must have done it. Jiajia's hair was braided with many small braids, like thin twisted flowers, and there were small bows tied to each braid's tip.

Jia Jia was very happy, constantly shook her head, letting her braids shaking constantly, and shouting: Fei... Fei...

Jia Jia comes over, dad hugs...

I opened my arms and said: You are very heavy, my sister will be very tired

Jia Jia turned her head and reached out to hug Ji Ran's neck. Such movements only appeared on Yan. She seemed to like Ji Ran very much.

Maybe my daughter has always been lonely!

I thought, but I still stubbornly reached out to hug her. Ji Ran was a patient, and hugging Jiajia was indeed very difficult for her.

Unexpectedly, she hugged Jiajia and turned around to avoid me, and said lightly: While I can still hold it, I will hold it for a while.

At that moment, I saw Su Qing stunned for a moment, and her expression froze

Soon, I pretended to be nothing and changed the topic: Dr. Liang, go and wash your hands, I stewed veal today, it was very delicious...

The meal was very warm and never had fun before. I even suddenly thought: If there are many people in a family, it must be a happy thing!

When I was a kid, I got used to being cold, I got used to eating instant noodles alone, I got used to turning on many lights to sleep

So I am not used to enthusiasm, as the head nurse said when I was a child: This child knows everything, but doesn't say anything...

She may not understand, but the reason why I don’t say it is because I am not used to communication!

At that time, I already understood: If I was used to talking to people often, then when I was alone, I would definitely be even more lonely.

The afternoon was very fulfilling, and I suddenly had some confidence in myself, as if I had been injected with some energy.

Even when several interns were telling jokes, I laughed

I didn't expect that by this time, I could still laugh

Yan said she wanted to play at Su Qing's house. She rarely stayed at other people's house, let alone a whole day.

I feel very at ease. I don't know why I believe Su Qing very much, even though I know that she has so much past.

Maybe I have a good impression of the nurse

When I went to pick Yan, two women were standing downstairs and watching Jia Jia run on the lawn in the distance. I found that Yan's hair had been combed and she looked much more energetic.

Seeing me, I went over to bring Jiajia back

Su Qing glanced at me, it was meaningful, and seemed to have something to say to me.

I suddenly felt guilty and felt that she seemed to know something about me and felt like she was seen through.

However, Su Qing didn't say anything, just looked at Yan and Jiajia in the distance and said to herself: So happy! Cherish it...

She said it very lightly, as if she had said it to herself

About 17:20, when you're almost home

The car suddenly shook, I braked the car and went down to check the back

I found that the reversing light on the right was broken, and not far behind, a Buick Kweichow parked

Then I realized that it was rear-ended. Strangely, the person in the car did not come out, just held the steering wheel and looked at me quietly.

I walked over and asked: What's going on?

The car door suddenly opened, and several people rushed out of the car, carrying knives and wooden sticks in their hands, surrounded them without saying anything.

I instinctively retreated, but it was too late. The white light flashed, my legs numbed, and then the back of my head became dizzy. Everything around me was turning, and the world was trembling.

In an instant, I seemed to be back to hell, and that feeling was very similar to the aftershock I experienced not long ago

I heard Yan scream, then some trance figures and noisy sounds

I took out my cell phone from my pocket, but I subconsciously didn't know who to call me

I saw a blur before my eyes, as if something was blurring my eyes. I wiped it, and my eyes became even more blurred. I saw that everything was red, cars, trees, sky and walls... I pressed the phone button and suddenly felt that I could not use any power, as if someone had pulled my muscles away.

Everything is gradually fading away

I slept for about a long time, and the lights were dazzling when I opened my eyes. I was very worried about Yan. I hope that the first thing I could see was the intact Yan and Jiajia.

The first thing I saw was Su Qing. She was very close to me and her expression was very anxious.

I found that I couldn't move, I couldn't even turn my head, and I couldn't speak

As a doctor, I know I must be still in the anesthesia period, so I am injured

The familiar smell only has this special smell in the hospital

I can't do anything except blink, but I want to ask where Yan is?

Where is Jiajia?

He woke up...

Su Qing turned around and said

There was a trivial sound, and then I saw Yan. I tried to open my eyes, carefully looked at her face and body, and checked it bit by bit.

Yan is fine!

I couldn't see any damage, and then I stared into her eyes: Where is Jia Jia?

You know, what I want to ask now is Jia Jia...

Yan understood what I meant, wiped the corner of her eyes with the back of her hand, and said: She was sleeping, at Su Qing's house

I think she probably wanted to hold back her tears, so her lips were pursed tightly and her face was a little twisted.

She must have endured it very hard!

But tears slowly filled the eyes

She quickly disappeared from my eyes, and then heard her talking to Su Qing: Please help me take care of Jiajia, I'll go out for a while...

no……

Su Qing's voice was very calm: Now you can't go anywhere, so you should stay in front of your husband's bed, no matter how important things are, no matter how much you want to do, you can't leave...

I should thank Su Qing

Her words were completely what I wanted to say. I could guess who she was going to look for, although I couldn't be sure what she was going to do

theory?

question?

It doesn't matter, I don't want her to have anything to do with that person anymore!

At this moment, although I couldn't move, my heart was particularly clear. When Yan appeared in front of me, I suddenly figured out one thing: No matter what happened in the past, when you looked at me with heartache, I had already forgiven you!

The door was suddenly pushed open, and a gust of wind blew in. I guess who broke in.

Sure enough, I heard a familiar voice: What's going on? Yan...what's wrong with you?

Beat him... by a group of gangsters...

Yan's voice was a little surprised: Xiaowei! How did you come? Where did you come from? Are you at home in Hangzhou...

Well, I can't hear anything clearly when I received the call at 5:30...

The aura of the visitor was a little chaotic, as if he had been running all the way: I was worried that something would happen, so I rushed over. I arrived at 10:15, but I didn't find this place just now, so I ran over...

Then, a familiar face appeared in front of me, with a pale face. He looked at me and turned around and asked: Where is he injured, is he serious?

Not too heavy

Su Qing replied: There is a large wound on her leg, a broken head, and a broken clavicle, but it is just a crack and it is not broken...

Then all three went out, and the sound of closing the door could no longer hear anyone talking

I closed my eyes and felt warm in my heart: from Hangzhou to here, he had to speed up without eating, drinking or resting in the middle...

I have always been used to facing people lying on the hospital bed. I am in good health and rarely get sick. When I lie on the hospital bed, I don’t feel that it’s too scary, and it’s exactly the same as when I was a child!

When I was a child, I was afraid of getting sick. Every time I got sick, I felt like I was going to die.

Thinking about it now, it's a bit ridiculous

These days, I have been living in anxiety and anxiety, and now it is ridiculous...

Outside, there are three people who care about me very much

Logically speaking, they should be around my hospital bed now, and then keep calling me, or crying loudly

But now I am a patient lying alone, but their people are far away. Think about it, is it ridiculous...

But, it feels very warm