Chapter 196

On the way to my father's place, I kept struggling in my heart. Is this really necessary?

But even if I want to, will my father and Xiaoying be willing?

Maybe I am a weird man who actually wants my father to have sex with his wife, and I am afraid that the two of them will not want to

The car was moving and arrived at the riverside. I parked the car on the riverside. I stood by the river and looked at the surging river water. Looking at some boats by the river, I couldn't move my steps for a long time...

Forget it, at least I should have gone to see my father. I haven't seen him for a long time, right? I thought about this in my heart, and it seems that I was looking for a reason for going to my father's place.

I walked onto a boat and the boat began to head towards the island where my father was. After so long, Aunt Zhang left, and I don’t know how my father was alone.

If my father-in-law hadn't answered a call from my father in front of me, maybe I would have been worried about my father for a long time.

Slowly, the island where my father was located appeared in front of me. On the boat, I took out my cell phone and found my father's phone number, but I didn't dial it out for a long time.

Walking on the shore, looking at the familiar grass and trees, the familiar gate, I walked along the path that I was extremely familiar with towards my father's small house. When my father's house appeared in my sight, I couldn't help but stop. My eyes patrolled back and forth, and scenes appeared in my mind. That night on the deserted island, this path, the grass beside the path, the familiar houses and gates... I shook my head, trying to throw out these things that I didn't want to face and recall, and then took a deep breath and slowly walked towards my father's house. The house was getting closer and closer to me.

When I arrived at the door, I knocked on the door. For some reason, I became so polite to my father.

But after I knocked on the door, there was no reaction in the room, so I had to knock again

But there was no response, there was no way, I just opened the door

After opening the door, a fishy smell came to my face, as if no one had lived in the house for a long time

I walked towards my father's bedroom and saw the whole room full of cigarette butts and wine bottles, which left me nowhere to put on my feet, as if it was a garbage dump

My eyes looked towards the bed, and I saw that the originally festive quilt was dirty at this time. In the middle of the quilt, a man with messy hair and a dirt-faced lying in the middle. I looked at the man who looked like a beggar.

He seemed to be sleeping well, and I knocked outside for a long time and he didn't hear it. After I got closer, I found that he seemed drunk and had a lot of alcohol on his body.

After I looked closely for a while, I felt relieved when I found that he was not in danger.

This depraved person who is like a beggar is my father. The original father who is alive and lively has no original charm at this time.

I sighed, took out a cigarette and started smoking. After smoking, I picked up the broom in the kitchen that I had not used for a long time and started to help my father clean up the room, clearing out all the cigarette butts and bottles.

It took me about an hour to finish it. When I finished dumping the trash and walked into the house, I found that my father had already gotten up. He sat on the bed, yawning and stretching. I had never seen him so decadent and lazy.

Uh... When my father stretched his waist and looked at the door, he yawned and opened his mouth never closed again

When he saw me, his eyes showed nervousness and a hint of timidity, and of course guilt.

He seemed to think he was dreaming, and he rubbed his sleepy eyes with his hands. When he was sure it was me, he quickly exclaimed and covered himself in the quilt again, as if he had seen a devil

Yes, now I am a devil in my father's eyes. He can confess to Aunt Zhang and to anyone, but the only thing he dares not face is me, my biological son

As a father, he forced his own son to bring a cuckold that he could never take away.

Alas... If I hadn't come here today and saw you like this, would you be ready to fall into depravity like this? I sighed, took out a cigarette, and said to this father who had become somewhat strange.

I smoked a cigarette and looked at my father who was trembling in the quilt, waiting slowly

Time passes minute by minute, except time, as if everything is still

After a long time of rest, my father seemed to know that this day was coming and could not avoid it.

He slowly let go of the quilt, then sat up again, and then groped towards the bed. I knew what he was looking for.

I didn't say anything, I handed him a cigarette

He was looking for something again, he didn't dare to talk to me, nor did he dare to look at me

I handed over the lighter again, and he quickly lit the cigarette and took a deep breath, as if he had sucked all the cigarette into his lungs, not containing a trace of excess air. At this moment, his father was like an addict.

I know you came back to find me, but I didn't expect it to be so soon... This is the first thing my father said to me. His voice was already a little hoarse, as if he hadn't spoken for a long time, and there were a lot of impurities in his voice.

Indeed, if it weren't for Xiaoying, I wouldn't have come to him now.

This is how you have been here during this period? I pointed to the white wine on the floor, which was about to reach the bottom.

It's Ah, so that my heart can feel more comfortable... Maybe my father wants to use the word "drinking sorrows by drinking wine" to describe himself, but his sorrow is not so bright, so how can he say it

What would you do if I didn't come today? The whole room was so quiet that every word we both said was extremely clear, echoing in this empty room.

Just keep going like this, how long will it last... My father smiled mockingly. Except for the first time he saw me, he did not look at me, but did not have the face and courage to look at me.

I'm sorry for you, I'm sorry for you Aunt Zhang, I'm sorry... I'm sorry for everyone... My father's third sorry I want to say is Xiaoying, but Xiaoying is now a very sensitive person between me and my father, so when he was about to say it, he quickly stopped.

Why don't you commit suicide? This is my angry words. I thought of the scene when my father asked Xiaoying to put on the wedding dress. That scene seemed to be a pain in my heart that I can never erase.

Although my words are a bit rude, they are my venting.

Jincheng, I thought about suicide, but I don’t feel at ease. I often call your parents-in-law and ask about your situation. Your relationship has just eased and has not been fully restored. At least this family has not yet recovered. I am waiting. When you are all in peace and your family has returned to their original appearance, then I can feel at ease... In addition, I admit that I don’t even have the courage to commit suicide. I am afraid of living, and even more afraid of death. I am afraid to see your mother. I am afraid of going to the eighteen levels of hell. I am afraid of being punished by God and never reborn. Haha, maybe there is no place for me to live in the three realms and five elements now... Cough cough cough cough. My father said while laughing, but tears flowed out of his eyes when he laughed. At the end of the day, it seemed that the frequency of speaking and smoking was not well controlled. He began to cough loudly

Something happened to Xiaoying, Aunt Zhang left, and the whole family paid too much for it. I don’t want to say anything else. Let it go... After hearing my father’s words, I also remembered what Aunt Zhang said to me on the phone. No matter what life will be like in the future, he is my father after all, and his blood is bleeding on my body. I have the obligation to support him.

Moreover, I know the cause and effect of the matter. My father’s mistakes are limited, and I cannot shirk too many mistakes on him. I should hate myself even more.

Can I go back to the past? After hearing my words, my father stopped smoking, then turned to look at me, with relief and joy in his eyes, but the guilt in his eyes seemed to be deeper

I can forgive you... I threw away the cigarette butt in my hand and said

But I couldn't forgive myself... My father also threw away the cigarette butts, and then lay on his back on the bed, seemingly lazily and dissipated.

Don’t you want to atone for the wrong things you did? Seeing your father like this, you seem to have to fall firmly to the end.

Atonement? I still have a chance to atone for sin? After hearing my words, my father opened his eyes and looked at the roof, as if he was talking to me, as if he was talking to himself

Get up, go and clean up... I didn't continue to mess with my father on this topic. Seeing his depraved appearance, I really didn't have the courage to continue talking, and at the same time I temporarily suppressed the original idea

After hearing my words, my father stood up and went downstairs and walked towards the kitchen.

I looked at his back. Maybe he has been living by smoking and drinking for a while, and he has hardly used food to fill his stomach.

After washing up, my father seemed to have returned to his original state except for his expression.

I saw my father finishing up, and then turned around and walked out the house. My father looked like Xiaoying, and seemed to have a hint of timidity when he saw that my expression was like Xiaoying.

Maybe they have one thing in common, and they both seem to think that the person they are most sorry for is me

Just as I walked to the gate, I found that there were no footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw that my father was standing there at a loss because I didn't say anything. My father didn't know whether to continue following me or turn back.

I'll take you to eat... Let's talk while eating... I looked at my father and said, and then my father continued to walk towards me.

Since my father finished washing up, he kept looking puzzled, and he seemed to be unable to figure out what I was thinking.

Perhaps my performance when I came to him today seemed different from what he expected. I didn't lose my temper with him, nor did I mention those things. In anyone's opinion, these are too abnormal, but my father didn't have the courage to ask, with guilt towards me, I could only say what I did and what he did.

I took my father to the only villa on the island. It was actually a relatively large wooden house and a popular restaurant on this island.

My father and I ordered a small single room, ordered some dishes, and some wine.

After ordering the dishes, my father and I remained silent. My father didn't dare to talk to me on his own initiative. He just looked at the menu for a long time. I knew he was hiding the guilt and embarrassment in his heart.

But I was because of my inner entanglement. To be honest, at this moment, I didn’t decide whether to do that. Since Xiaoying and I got into this incident, I seemed to have become much more cautious. I had to consider what consequences might bring if I did this. I had to make the worst plan.

When I first matched my father and Xiaoying, I was full of confidence in this matter, but in the end, it was not beyond my tolerance.

If I decide to ask my father to return to Xiaoying, what if... just if I don't do this, what will happen to my job, what will happen to Xiaoying's health, what will happen to my family...

I lit a cigarette again, as if nicotine could make me more awake, and the thick smoke slowly filled this extremely quiet single room...